Just one of those Days

It is...just one of those days when you don't want to wake up, everything is fucked, and everyone sucks. You just don't know why, but you want to justify by ripping someone's head off. You're best bet is to stay away motherfucker, it's just one of those days. No one can say it better than Fred Durst hahaha.

I am just frustrated with life. Frustrated with my body, my skin, my lack of motivation, my lack of going to shows (that used to be the only thing I would look forward to, and now I don't even have that). I'm frustrated with still living at home and not making enough money, frustrated that I am going to get stuck at my job. I'm mad at myself for not dancing in almost 9 months. I'm mad at myself for not having the drive I used to. I'm mad at myself for not visiting downtown Chicago when I used to be down there all the time. I'm mad at myself for losing focus. I am frustrated that I lost focus. I'm mad at my parents for telling me this months ago and I refused to see it.

The only thing that makes my life worth it is that one person who makes me smile everyday. I am so fortunate enough to see him everyday. Without him I think I would be totally lost. He is the only person that makes me feel safe, something I've never felt before. Feeling wanted is a whole new experience for me, and I am scared that I will fuck it up, and that frustrates me.

Trouble

I am so sporadic with my blogs, but school's been stressful, legit excuse. Friday can't come faster, I can't wait to go home. Then Sunday morning, bright and early at 3:30am, driving to the airport and departing for the Dominican Republic!!! A Spring Break that is well needed and well deserved, I might say.

Where do we go? Nobody knows... I've gotta say I'm on my way down. It just came on as I was thinking about what to type next, how perfect! Cuz no one knows where we are going, especially not me. I will probably go down... down into that black abyss; I really don't want to end up there.

I really don't have a main point for this entry, just needed to let my brain rest for ten minutes. 4 more days, that's all I gotta keep telling myself.

I'm living under my own New Moon

My chest feels like it's been ripped into a thousand pieces; I've been crying on and off for 2 days now; I feel like there is this void in me that nothing can fill; I feel empty, lost, and pathetic. I am in absolute bittersweet bliss, no... make that absolute tormented bittersweet bliss... All because of...

I feel dark, and no matter where I look or how hard I look, I can't find the light. I listened to All of a Sudden I Miss Everyone on repeat for 20 hours, straight. It seemed to know exactly what I needed to hear for comfort, for sympathy, for rage, for anger, for sadness. It knew exactly what my emotions needed.

Failure

So, apparently I am really bad at getting up to date with things I've started. Example, this. It's a Thursday night in Iowa City, my roommates and my friends are all out, yet here I am attempting to do homework when I somehow stumble onto someone's blog and remembered I started one. This is my procrastination and a new addiction/outlet, maybe (we'll see). Obviously, a lot has happened and changed since last I wrote here. One more semester left of college. Starting to freak out about what the fuck I am going to do after Graduation in May. I can't believe how fast these four years went by. I am 21 years old, and have no idea what I want to accomplish. I know what I love, and would love to use that as motivation and possible a guideline for my future. Then again, I still have one more semester to get my act together...

On a lighter note, last weekend was Halloween, and for those who don't know, one of my favorite holiday; easily top three with Christmas (which is so cliche-I know) & The 4th of July (yes that's right). I dressed up as Mia Wallace after her dumb ass overdosed by snorting heroin, thinking it was cocaine. I was quite fun, and thrilling when people recognized who I was.

Now, as I go back to my attempt to get work done for tomorrow, I promise to be better with my updates.

My First

So, I promised myself I would wait until the summer (which is in TWO WEEKS) before creating my first blog so I could focus on my finals and school work right? Whoops, couldn't hold out. This is all thanks to Miss Kolleen, who is such a "bad" influence on me, haha. Notice bad in quotes, of course. I just got done rehearsing with my dancers for my final project in my choreo class, oh yay. It's to Natural Anthem by The Postal Service, I rather like the piece, and I know I'm hard on the dancers for making it so last minute (since it's due and they have to perform it on Wednesday, yikes!) But the song is too sweet, and the girls work hard, yay! But now I must attend back to my 15 pages I have to write and my math test I have to finish studying for, kill me please.

Two More Weeks
Two More Weeks
Two More Weeks.......